Until The Darkness Lifts

I wasn't quite myself back then

And I could not see why,

But then the sleepless nights began

And all I did was cry.

The tears were just for me to bear

I couldn't show the truth,

I felt pathetic, useless, weak -

Hid feelings like a sleuth.

Binge eating chocolates, crisps and cake

I always laughed it off,

"I can't diet for Heaven's sake"

In secret I would trough.

The darkness had descended then

Though I was still in work,

I couldn't let the nightmares go

And didn't want to shirk.

I started snapping at my friends

Some people I'd avoid,

They didn't like me anyway

I'd gone so paranoid.

And all the while my smile remained

I giggled, laughed and joked,

Nobody near me knew my pain

Depression - it was cloaked.

I tried to do my very best
To do the job I love,
But awful thoughts they would not rest
And I needed a shove.

That shove for me it came one day
A victim of assault,
A member of the public he
Struck with a thunderbolt.

I didn’t see his fist approach
He hit me oh so fast,
I should have stopped him doing more
But this time I had crashed.

The tears flew out they wouldn’t stop
And I could do no more,
I’d now got to my breaking point
And did myself abhor.

And now this ‘frontline hero’ needs
To take time out you see,
Reflecting on what I’ve become
I don’t recognise me.

I didn’t want to burden you
With how I felt this time,
You’ve got your problems and your lives
You don’t want to hear mine.

And this is what depression wants
For you to be alone,
To make you feel that no one cares
Somehow your life’s postponed.

Depression can take many years
To rear it’s ugly head,
It’s one huge master of disguise
And sadly it’s widespread.

It comes in many shapes and forms
Sneaks upon you with stealth,
An illness which can take its’ toll
And wreck your mental health.

Depression has its enemies
Though it won’t tell you so,
It wants to keep you in the dark
Does not want you to know.

It’s biggest enemy is speech
To talk, engage and know,
Those feelings, thoughts, the fears and lows
Will not always be so.

So if this poem strikes a chord
With someone that you know,
Or if it hits a nerve with you
Don’t be alone, let go.

Let go of the perceived stigma
Of what people will think,
Let go of fighting on your own
Of being on the brink.

Instead be strong, you know you can
Get back to how you were,
Before darkness took hold of you
The life you did prefer.

You truly are just amazing
To work on the frontline,
You will get back to how you were
Just one step at a time.

Take one each day, a tiny step
With fierce resolve or drifts,
And know that we’ll be there for you
Until the darkness lifts.